After weeks of terrible pre labour, all day all night contractions my body decided to take a rest for a couple of days. Each night I wondered if this would be it, I knew my body hat to be resting for some reason. I was sure it had to happen soon, but I was beginning to wonder if I was broken, was losing trust in my bodies ability to actually do this. I kept thinking, what if my body cannot actually do this, am I actually meant to have kids. I was starting to focus more on it just being over rather than looking forward to cuddling my little boy. I didn’t want this focus and it worried me.
Then on Wednesday 10 June 2009 I woke at around 2am thinking oh no I wet my pants, to then realise no hang on my waters may have broken. Went to the loo, and there seemed to be more than just wee, so put on a pad and when that got wet and I knew I wasn’t weeing I was sure my waters had broken, I figured somewhere up top since there was no big gush. Knowing I could be in for some wait I went back to bed to try and sleep, but was too excited about what was coming, little did I know what was coming.
At 3am contractions started slowly and nicely, by 4am they were no longer nice at all, very strong very regular, and I really had to stop and remember to breath. Knowing I still had some way to go I walked the house, sat on the gym ball in front of the fire, and just generally tried to keep moving. By 5am they were rather difficult to stand through.
At about 7am I thought things had significantly progressed, things had mostly definitely changed so I called Toni my midwife to let her know what was happening and then started trying to get hold of someone to mind Lachlan. After an hour of panicking thinking I would find no one and me thinking that I did not have much longer and desperately wanted to get to the birth centre I did get hold of someone. Dropped Lachlan off at 8:30am and then headed off to the birth centre in some decent Canberra traffic. I was sure things were really close and was not expecting to be at the Birth Centre long before it was all actually happening. I did not let Damien know my thoughts he seemed in enough of a rush and I did not want an accident. We arrived at the birth centre eventually just after 9am I think it was a relief to see Toni and know that she was there when needed. Damien and I were left to do what I needed.
After a couple hours I was checked and things were not as far along as expected. I was a little disappointed, the pain was worse than I remembered ever being in during Lachlan’s birth. Toni suggested a bath, so glad she did, I knew I wanted to do something different but my brain was no longer helping me think of things. So I hopped in the bath for some relief. And well things almost stopped, but I did enjoy the rest and close to had a nap in the bath between the contractions that hurt a whole lot less in the bath. Think I was in there for about half hour, felt like longer, when I thought I should get out and try and get this actually happening, Toni may have suggested this but I don’t really remember. So got up and wondered around for awhile, knelt, leaned, crouched, sat things got very painful and very strong and I had more than had enough, and was really starting to not cope. I needed some relief so Damien tried to reheat the bath for me and in I struggled at about 12:45, it was not really hot enough though. Contractions stayed just as painful in the bath but were further apart, so Toni asked me to hop back out to try and get things moving and get the membranes to rupture. She would check me again in 1.5hrs at which point she would rupture the membranes if I wanted. When she left I burst into tears, I really didn’t have much left in me, and had no idea how I was going to get through the next 1.5hrs. I wished I had just said no and made her get things moving then and there. After what felt like about half hour I asked Damien how much time had passed and it was only 5 mins, again I cried, poor Damien just didn’t know what to do to help. I ended up staying in the bath for 45mins since every time I stood up I collapsed in the bath again, I just could not gain the will to get out of the bath. Those 45mins felt like about 3 hours though, just constantly trying to get out but not being able to.
I eventually climbed out just before 2pm. Damien asked if I wanted Toni and I said yes (not really sure what I was wanting, but I trusted her and figured she might know what to do), when she came in Damien said I was not coping and could I have the gas please. I was so relieved, that was exactly what I was wanting, I was completely exhausted and really did not feel like I had much more in me to give. She first checked me and ruptured the membranes. Things kicked in a little more then. Got set up on the gas on the lowest setting which is where it stayed till about 3:30pm, took the edge off just but allowed me to still move about and know what was going on. Turned the gas up to about half because I just couldn’t take it anymore, it was all so painful, and I was struggling to keep myself together. I knew there couldn’t be too much longer, the thought of the end was getting me through. Toni checked on me a few times, at one point she asked if there was any position I wanted to birth in, the answer to that question is not really. Looking back now I realise my answer should have been anywhere but on my back, my brain just did not have the function to answer that way at the time though.
I was on hands and knees on the bed for some time when my knees started to give way so flipped myself over onto my back and my goodness I HAD to push. Damien called Toni in and that was it, it was baby time. It was wonderful to have Toni there, someone I knew and could trust to get me through the last bit. I tried to move up into more of a sitting position, but I just couldn’t move I was stuck, and I just wasn’t able to ask for help. Every time I tried to speak I seemed to just cry and moan instead, I was so frustrated I could not get the words out that I needed to. So there I was stuck on my back desperately trying to push this baby out knowing I was not in the greatest position. When the head was part out I yelled for more gas to be told it was already up full. I was so angry at Damien for turning it up without me asking, cause I knew that last time I asked for it up it was only half way. So I struggled on as best I could moaning and groaning and crying (none of which I did with Lachlan), trying to do the little pushes that Toni was asking for but not having the control to do it. Gee I wished the gas could just be turned up that little bit extra, so I could gain just a touch more control. Nanuq’s head wiggled and squirmed as it tried to come out it was a funny feeling. Toni asked several times if I wanted to touch the head, for some reason this is just not something I want or need to do. Eventually the head was out, then for the body. With Lachlan the body just followed, so I did a half arsed push to get the body out, nothing budged and I panicked. Was calmed down by Toni and asked to push again so I gave it all I had about 3 times I think who knows really could have been heaps more and out he came and onto my chest at 4:25pm, I almost pushed him away because I didn’t want the yuck on my shirt, LOL little did I know the bottom of my nightie was already soaked in yuck. Once he was there I didn’t care anymore and was just pleased to be holding my little boy. He just cried and cried and I couldn’t stop him, I felt terrible, but I still had work to do, had to get the stupid placenta out. My goodness getting that thing out hurt this time. Then it was all over, but the tear hurt like crap and I whinged like an idiot about it, wanted the gas but Toni took it off me (LOL Damien gave it back when she left the room). After a little bit I calmed down and didn’t need/want the gas anymore, so I popped Nanuq on the boob and he had a good feed. It was a relief to have it all over, and a joy to be holding my little baby boy. I may have ended up in the one and only position I didn’t but it no longer mattered. I had my baby, and the birth was wonderful anyway, besides the pain and my moments of panic the birth was calm and friendly.
We decided to ice the tear until the OB could come and stitch me up, she turned up at about 7pm. The waiting was awful I just wanted it over, wanted a shower and just start settling with bub. He had a couple of feeds in the time we waited, Damien called my Mum and I messaged the whole 2 people I wanted to know. I was allowed the gas again as I was stitched up, I didn’t need it for the pain just to help me be a bit more out of it while someone had their face in my groin stitching up my second degree tear. Eventually got the shower after this and was finally allowed to eat. So at 8pm I ate my first meal of the day and boy did I eat, and ate all night. We stayed the night at the birth centre since we decided it was too cold to take bub home at night and Damien was way too tired to drive. We all got a little bit of sleep, all snuggled in the bed together since Nanuq did not want to be let go and after his day I do not blame him. Hearing test and baby checks the next day and we went home just after lunch. Igloo came into the birth centre to help bring his baby brother home and boy was he proud.
Toni came to check on us both at home on the Friday, it was after this visit that I fully realised how completely wonderful the whole pregnancy and birth was. To share the pregnancy and birth with the same midwife is great, but to also see them enjoy the bub they helped deliver is fantastic, it makes it all so much more special.
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